Murder most foul!

Have you ever walked past a mirror and felt some reason to talk to your reflection? I recently noticed that I do. I do it a lot. And most disturbing is that 95 % of the time, the thing I say is, "I will murder you." Even more disturbing is the fact that when I say it, I say flatly, with no emotion, as though I don't mean it. That's when I say it again. "I WILL murder you."

Here we go again

I updated damnyoubanana.com again! Look for the next update by Christmas! Just kidding. Probably.

Today I was tired. I ate food. I worked. I took pictures of a mock rescue effort. And this, no joking is the third time I've done that in the last 8 months? Worth County is way too desperate for a real disaster. Christ. Stupid boring Iowa. Oh, and what's with me? Seriously, what the hell? I'm either tired, have a tumor or am turning into a werewolf.

Must be tired. Is probably a tumor. Whatever. Snore.

I wish this entry was more nonsensical than it is.

Oh, and does anybody actually read this? Because if not, I'm wasting literally minutes every day when i could be making sure my hats fit.

America's falsest historical landmarks

Fort Kearney
Paul Bunyan's big dusty dreamcatcher
Rhodes Island
3,387 of Minnesota's "10,000 lakes"
The appeal of Nebraska
The forest where Abraham Lincoln and Bigfoot fought to a standstill
George Washington's opium den

NOt again

Here's how it works:

BOOM!

Least popular apocalyptic prophecies

"In the year of our lord 2342, God will reveal himself to be very manga-influenced."

"When the sign of the beast is shown to the world, Sam Reynolds will choke on a fairly mediocre sandwich."

"The end"

"Pop goes the weasel."

"The earth will open up, swallowing the son of man. Denny's will offer a special discount on their grand slam breakfast."

"Uh oh spaghetti' will cry the antichrist. And it will be so."

My favorite lists of all time

Diseases I have given to dogs- Ray Koch
Top US Highways on which to give and/or recieve road head- Jack Kerouac
My favorite lists of all time- Kris Kenison
Books I've eaten- John Roosevelt
Ways in which to fuck up kids- Dr. Spock
Why humans aren't worth saving- the other Dr. Spock
Most annoying spelling "airers" by my stupid, stupid students- Mrs. Anderson, third grade, Jefferson Elementary
Forbidden dances of the Oregon Trail
Ways to ruin America- George W. Bush, anonymous, et al

When I look in your eyes...

I see your pupils.