And now another chapter from...

"Donald: What Did I Drink?"

Appendix B: Ways to skin a cat

1. With a knife, begin near the upper portion of the kitty's spinal column and slowly peel away the epidermis.
2. Get a girlfriend. Have her do it.
3. Befriend a Native American. Have said Native American teach you how to scalp something. Apply these lessons to a cat.
4. Use a lawnmower. Sure, this will also gut and puree the cat, but sometimes efficiency takes a back seat to art.
5. Clone thousands of tiny sharks. Put them in a punch bowl. Put the cat in the punch bowl.
6. Purchase and use the new Ronco Cat-skinner.
7. Squirt liberally with hydrochloric acid.
8. Hire a troll to do it. As a natural enemy of the cat, trolls may even be inclined to skin one for free. Just be careful to keep the troll away from your children, as the troll will suck the life from them. Also be wary of oscillating fans, as cats will often cunnily trick trolls into the fans, quickly providing an unwanted way to skin a troll. (This is often referred to as the "Cat's Eye" maneuver).
9. Lathe, rinse and repeat.

10. Simply create a quantum singularity. Nurture it until it develops into a black hole. Tie your cat or cats onto reinforced stell rods, preparing to pull them away at just the right moment. Slowly lower them towards the singularity. Eventually the gravity around the black hole willl shuck the skin off the cat like the husk off an ear of corn. With skinned cat in hand, enjoy the last few days before the earth is sucked into the black hole, reduced to a size smaller than the tip of a pencil for all eternity.

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