Wow, nothing to say, except: THIS DAY IN HISTORY

So, Tuesday, eh? I guess you know what that means. This day in history time:

1770- King Louis marries Marie Antoinette. The main desert at the reception? Ironically enough, crepes. Go figure.

1866- The U.S. treasury began producing a five cent coin to replace the half-dime, which was widely regarded as the most retarded form of currency in American history. It eventually became known as the nickel. Other failed nicknames: The farnkel, the fifth of a quarter, the pentapenny, the not quite ready for prime dime player.

1918- Congress passes the Sedition Act, making any public dissent of the government or its wartime actions illegal, punishable by a fine of $10,000 and/or up to twenty years in prison. Thankfully our current administration has made this historical reference anything but ironic and this sentence anything but satirical.

1929- The first Academy Awards were given out. Wings starring Clara Bow and Gary Cooper won best picture and would later inspire the NBC TV show that made up 50% of the USA Network's programming schedule between 1997 and 1999.

1975- Japanese woman scales Mount Everest, exactly three steps behind her husband, who plummeted to his death. So sad.

1975- Norma Jean Armistead, a Los Angeles nurse, pays a house call to a 28-year-old mother to be. She then murdered the woman and stole her baby, returning to an area hospital, claiming to have given birth to the child. Happy belated Mother's Day all!

1983- Michael Jackson performs the moonwalk on the Motown 25th Anniversary Special, thus create the dance world's first true cliche and touching fans everywhere, something he would continue to do in much more intimate detail later in life.

1990- Jim Henson dies. There is nothing funny about this.

These libs make me very angry.

Hey everybody, it's time for super-lazy mad libs. Fill in the blanks below for libbing fun!!

Hey __(Proper Name)__, go __(verb)__ yourself!

Kris Kenison is __(adverb)__ awesome!

As a totally hot and easy chick, I have to tell you that my phone number is __(the phone number of a chick who is both hot and easy)__.

Thanks for playing everyone! Have a __(adjective)__ day!

You might be a geek if...

So, as I uncomfortably alluded yesterday, I had an ultrasound performed on my testicles today.

Was it awkward? Tons! And this time there was actually candlelight in the room, although I think it was meant to make a possibly uncomfortable environment less so. I guess it worked. So did the conversation I had with the technician about the weather and how she would likely cut and run from her son's track meet as soon as he was done.

The thing that comforted me the most and almost sent me into a fit of really uncomfortable giggling was a true geek moment.

Partway through the ultrasound, while watching the screen, I thought to myself, "This is what Daredevil would see if he put his face up to my balls." I can't describe the disturbing magic of that moment, so I'll let you, fair reader, put your own meaning into that thought.

There's a first time for everything.

Here we are, only four days into May and I have paid a middle-aged man to touch my balls.


Wow, I didn't think I'd be able to make that statement until at least July. And yes, there's more to the story. The ball-touching man in question was a doctor who was checking out a lump I found "down there." Still, it seemed unusual that he put on a CD of Barry White and lit some candles before he began? Oh well, the prognosis was, "It's probably nothing." This may be one of the few times that hearing that in reference to my "junk" is a good thing. I'll know for sure that everything is all clear after I have high-frequency soundwaves blasted into my crotch (ultrasound). Fun!!

I was on a message board today and read a post about the film "United 93." People were giving their response. Being the flippant bastard that I am, I responded with, "I'll wait for the Broadway musical." To which someone responded "not funny." Was it too soon? Maybe I should have waited 'til the movie had been out for a couple of weeks. Or was my comment just not funny?

Really the only thing that bothers me about my comment is that it felt wrong to capitalize the word "Broadway" for some reason. It seems more respectful than I feel.

I guess it's a good thing I restrained myself from any jokes about "Mission: Impossible 3." That would have been really offensive.

A little controversy for your Monday.

Every blog needs its own little dose of controversy right?

Well 'Wacky Happy Life' is no different. Besides referring to this blog in the third person and using single parentheses, I will now make several "controversial" statements, that I almost certainly don't mean, which you the reader should nonetheless feel free to discuss and belittle me for stating:

• All kittens shoud die... painfully.
• Was the South so bad?
• Interracial dating- awful or awesome?
• Chocolate is for wimps.
• If you throw like a girl you should have to wear a dress.
• You stink.
• Would World War II have ended differently if all Germans weren't ignorant doofuses?
• I think we should bulldoze Iraq and create a giant 2,000,000:1 scale version of Candyland. Instead of colorful character pieces, giant robots would be used. This game of Candyland would replace the monotony and pointlessness of the Olympics and would be played to the death. Each participant would represent a religion. The winner would be chosen as the one-true religion. There would be no ties.
• Homosexuality is gay.
• Having sisters is like having a robot dog. If you can't see the fear in their eyes, what's the point?
• (This one is dedicated to Lindsey and Jordan.)

There you go. Discuss...